A Tourist Life For ME!

Funny, when someone goes abroad people really want to fit in and not be the typical tourist, well I say " Why NOT!?" People out side of the US are actually really receptive to people from the US (at least in BRAZIL). The treatment received is very helpful and if anything, I think that trying to be like them is kind of insulting, if not insulting but just weird.

Any who, lets begin.

1. ASK where everything is and or located, even if you think you´re on the right way chances are you are not, so ask and ask again. Brazilians are tricky, especially "cariocas", people from RIO. While your at it pull out your dictionary and pronounce every word slowly back to them, then enjoy the expression on their face. Wave your map like its the old red, white and blue.



2. Be LOUD!. REALLY LOUD! Americans can be loud and proud, so do it; BE AMERICAN. Large arm and hand movements and boisterous behavior should be amplified. Blasting onto a foreign scene with your vitality and make the right impression.

3. BRAG and BE SHOWY. Pull out your money and things in public. You might as well yell “I have money and I’m ready to spend it, unless you want to take it from me against my will!”

4. DON'T MIND YOUR PERSONAL SPACE. Why have personal space when you can share with all the people you encounter. When you’re at a counter, for example, spread out your arms; when you’re sitting down on the bus or train, stretch out your legs in a way that might get in someone’s way. Best way to make friends!

5. WEAR YOUR CAMERA AROUND YOUR NECK. When traveling to a foreign country, you are bound to take pictures. Having a camera strap and wearing it around your neck for easy access is a sure way to look like a tourist.



6. ALWAYS ASK FOR KETCHUP. It is a sure giveaway that you are an American tourist. Use the typical condiments in your host country of course, and if you don’t like them or can’t bear to eat without your American condiments, bring your own! Take small packets with you to use.

7. DON'T EAT LOCAL FOOD. Find the nearest McDonald's, and if there isn't one near, your in the wrong country.

8. REQUEST DECAF. Enough said.



9. INSIST on drinking “Coke” with every meal.

10. WEAR ODD SOCKS AND BASEBALL CAPS. While your add it, fanny packs are rather stylish.

*these have been done in front of or have been seen in front of the writer*
**these comments do not accurately represent the writer's point of view, rather her horrible sarcastic humor.**